Not So Clever After All

The Third Person in a Two Person Conversation

I’d like to address a serious issue. It’s an issue that may affect you, as I know it affects me. It’s the issue of an affected “third person”.

I can’t stand it when someone refers to me, to me, as if I’m not there. “How’s Rick?” or “What’s up with Rick?”  It’s confusing and annoying. I prefer to be called “you” when addressed directly. “Hey you, how are you?” or “You, you suck” even. Anything other than the teeth-grinding third.

I like to pretend we’re actually talking about someone else named “Rick” when this comes up. Here are two examples:

“How’s Rick?”

“He died.”

“What?”

“Yeah, suicide.”

“Wait, who are we talking about? Who died?”

“Rick. Isn’t that who you asked me about?”

“Oh, no, I was asking about you, Rick.”

“Then why didn’t you just say ‘How are you?’”

“Um, I thought I was being cute and fun.”

“Oh, you weren’t. And now you made me sad thinking about an imagined Rick who committed suicide.”

or

“What’s up with Rick?”

“I’m not one to gossip, but I hear he hates you.”

That usually shuts them up, and isn’t that what we want when someone talks to us … for them to just shut up? I mean, not you, but other annoying people, they’re the ones we want to shut up. You’re perfect. (Insert your name here) is perfect.