Articles: Definite vs. Indefinite
I’m sure you’re all wondering how my stand-up went last night.
Was it a bomb or the bomb?
Was it shit or the shit?
Well, folks, I hate to tell you, but I got bumped and didn’t get to perform. I know, I know … how do you get bumped from your own basement, especially when no one else is there? All I can say is that my comedy wasn’t underground enough for “The Basement” (maybe it’s bad puns like that?). Oh well. Maybe next time.
Now that I’ve got your ear, though, why is it that a bad thing is turned good (or the best) by changing the article from indefinite to definite? More importantly, why doesn’t it work for all words with bad connotations?
“Mom, that meal was the barf” could mean it was extraordinarily delectable.
“Whoa, check out that girl, she’s the douche” would indicate that she’s refreshing to look at.
“Hey boss, the 1% raise you gave me was the ass-rape” should mean you are grateful for the measly piece of shit raise you got after three years of unrewarded hard work.
“My boss is the fuck” might mean your boss isn’t an asshole with a proclivity for taking credit for your work and then holding you back from advancing because it would mean he couldn’t shit on you daily while reaping the benefits of your labors.
I guess it could get confusing if we start adding “the” wherever we see fit. Let’s leave it to the rappers to tell us what’s the dope.
2 years ago