Axed
To Whom It May Concern at the offices of Unilever United States, Inc.:
This letter shall serve as my official grievance regarding your product, Axe Body Spray and the resultant advertised Axe Effect.
After watching your commercials over and over, I mailed away for a free sample of your spray. I do not know if the specific batch I received was faulty, or what, but the effect I expected to benefit from by way of female attention and sexual attraction/passion was not garnered. In fact, quite the opposite was true. I am not saying women were repelled by me and my Axe musk, but more that men were drawn to me, sexually. A lot.
I am not gay. Not even curious.
Three or four days of trying to attract women, and instead attracting men, the wrong kind of men I might add, caused me to ultimately stop using the spray. The attentions did not subside for many weeks. I’m not sure if there is some secret chemical in the formula that is pheromonal, or what, but guys were on me 24/7.
While I do not expect you to be able to do anything about my particular circumstance, I do want you to be aware that this problem exists and your advertising is misleading. I also want you to be aware that as soon as I get released, I will probably murder you.
Sincerely,
Prisoner 24601
Assrape Penitentiary
2 years ago